Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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