I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
jump out the window naked night went bad
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
