I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
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I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
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Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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