My friends, they love my intelligence
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
