Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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