Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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