I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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