Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
