i was rollin on her like bob the builder
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
