I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
