THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
