I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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