he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
