So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
