but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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