When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize