Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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