so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
