Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
