I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
