Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
