you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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