JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
