I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's blow job season.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
