it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dick very happy bro
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
