didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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