woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
