when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
