She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
