Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
