Pappa wants mamma naked
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
