I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
