I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
