Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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