In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
