her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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