Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
