when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
