I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
