My hand turned me down
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
