Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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