Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
