Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
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whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
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For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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