I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize