im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My vagina just recognized that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize