I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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