She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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