Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
