he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
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Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
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He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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