Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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