I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
