i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
