Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize