so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
