Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
