she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
