he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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