Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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