i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
