i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
