the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
