I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I will be naked everywhere
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
