So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
