Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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