First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
