Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
