Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
