Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
