I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
