Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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