How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
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she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
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He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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