probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
